My fear for him was insurmountable, though I knew perhaps there was nothing to fear for his mortal body, perhaps no fear even for his soul. It was only, at least for that time, my selfish nature, the knowledge that he was not mine alone to keep for whatever years lie ahead of us. A dark and ever-deepening treachery grew inside me, ached in my bones and racked my body with terror and self-pity. The longer I sat, the more I wondered why I myself could not be his prize, why he measured success in such a way that it's weight could drive him to fall away from me. For, at that time, I believed there was nothing I would not sacrifice for him, not just my future, but my very own life.