I am ready for Fall but not Winter. Winter makes me feel cold, cold and creative. It is a rare time that I can sit inside of my house and not feel like life is passing me by, because everyone else is doing the same. I can sit in my house, writing and sitting near the fire with a good book. I am alone with my thoughts and my insight and I am okay. I like to sit outside in my shorts, smoking my last cigarette. I am cold and warm and burning all at the same time. I am freezing and I like it. Some children associate winter with snow, snow with happiness. I suppose I do have happy memories of when I was little, some of the rare happy memories that I have with you. I remember rolling down the hills, the dogs following at my heels, you smiling at me and doing the same. Every happy memory however, is followed my a bad one. Even the best upset me though. It is sad that I will never have happy memories with you, that I will never be able to think of you and smile. It is that even though on some subconcious level I know that you love me, you will never be able to show me and I will always resent you for that. Winter reminds me of you. You make me feel cold and warm and like I am burning all at the same time. You make me feel frozen. You have frozen a piece of me. You have built a wall that will not come down. You built this wall, I did not.